Good, Better, and Best

          Although I was not there, I can imagine my parent's wedding day was a spectacular and beautiful event. I can almost see their young and smiling faces look toward such a bright future full of potential and adventure. It must have been an absolutely joyous occasion. Yet funny enough, when they found one another in a secluded spot on that day, my mother turned to my father, with a little bit of worry and doubt in her eyes. She questioned very carefully yet very bluntly to him: "How will I know that you will not cheat on me or leave me?"
     My father turned to her, and contemplated his answer.

STOP.

     What an interesting question huh? And what potential to be romantic and mushy gushy right? I mean haven't we all heard the answer before? "Well because I love you too much. I could and would NEVER do that to you." See, you get points for 'proving' your love and you answer her question... Right?

Let's back up a few paces.

     When looking for a friend or someone to date and possibly marry, we tend to look for a lot of things that quickly blend into not a lot of things. Let me explain, all too often we hear that shallow people look for good looking people and not shallow people look for good personalities. These two parts of us are indeed important parts, our identity is very much based upon how we look in both dress as well as our aesthetics in many ways shapes us, and what that doesn't solidify in our identity our personality seems to fill. We are mere percentages in this regard, mathematical equations of identities of cliches. We have nothing that sets us truly apart, we are all the same set of robots in different masks. There really can only be so many personalities and quirks, and so many different faces and body types.
     I used to think those two where the defining factors of people, especially when looking for a relationship. Let me further my explanation with yet another story (While I have climatically left the first one unanswered... added suspense I suppose).
     There was this girl I have known for a long time. She is absolutely beautiful, a true stunning example of God's great creation, and anyone would say so. I met her quite a long time ago, and have always been attracted to her. When I was quite young, I mustered up the courage to ask this gorgeous specimen out to try to get to know her first. I remember asking the question online, and her answer was a hesitant but somewhat adventurous yes. I nearly exploded, and kept looking at her picture and her beautiful face thinking that somehow I lucked out enough to get this dear beau monde.
     One could tell simply by examining the way I refer to her in the last paragraph that this 'relationship' probably lasted a total of four days. It was mind blowing to me to see it crumble and fall. At first, I blamed it on her. I said "I gave you all! I treated you like a queen's queen! I called you beautiful every second of the day, and what do you do? You say it is not enough? That I don't care?"
     Well, she wasn't entirely right, but she hit the important part on the nail. I did care very dearly about her, but it was more about how beautiful she was than anything else. It was idol worship instead of any kind of relationship.
     That was when I discovered that women aren't merely defined by their hair and their symmetry (or asymmetry) but also by another factor: Their personality. The way they talk and laugh. What they like and do not like, all that good stuff. Well, upon discovering that women are actually very human too, I decided to try to see how this certain young lady matched up with it all. I liked her alot, and we got along well. We talked and laughed together, and we clicked pretty well.
     Upon passing that test, I decided to again, muster up the courage (online again, my courage only went so far back then) and ask her out. She said yes a little easier and happier this time, with a greater sense of what she was getting herself into.
     Well, for nearly three weeks we went out this time. It was interesting to see how I was still obsessed with her beauty, but I was shocked by a couple of times when she opened up to me and let out some of her imperfections. I saw some of the first inglorious parts of real relationships with her, and at the time I really didn't expect any of that. It would take years for me to start to appreciate them.
     Again though, she cut the cord. I was not enough, or rather, I was too much for her at that time, and honestly with my state at the time I was far too much for anyone. I still did not get it though. I bought her things, I told her so dearly how much I loved her. I complimented everything about her... Why was I failing? Again, at the time I very foolishly labeled myself of superior  maturity and that one day she will understand. That has yet to happen expectantly enough! :)
     Well, then I started to forget about her. I wandered far from my trusted paths and friends, and lost myself in so many strange new worlds and places. Many times they where dark, and many times I was far from home spiritually. That was when I found out the third and most important part of our identity: our character. Our character is influenced by our personality, but it is truly who we are when no-one is looking. It is who we are when the lights are turned off. Our character is really what binds us to our identities, at least the identities that really matter.
     This is what we really will live with when we get into a relationship. Their looks and beauty will eventually fade, as sad as that may be. They too must grow old. Their personality can only go so far. You can only do so much with their personality and they with yours.
     But their morals, their character... That is lasting. That is what will either bind you or break you in any kind of friendship or relationship. That is what really matters.
   
     Now, I never connected a third time with this beautiful friend in a romantic way, but I know that if I did, it would last possibly for all eternity. Not because I am a great man, or she is a great woman, but more so because we both have an interesting part embedded into our character. We both love God.

    Before you all moan and complain that God has nothing to do with relationships, He absolutely does! C.S. Lewis paints this picture extremely effective with his essay "The Trouble With X:"
     "That is one way in which God's view must differ from mine. He sees all the characters: I see all except my own. But the second difference is this. He loves the people in spite of their faults. He goes on loving. He does not let go. Don't say, 'It's all very well for Him; He hasn't got to live with them.' He has. He is inside them as well as outside them. He is with them far more intimately and closely and incessantly than we can ever be. Every vile thought within their minds (and ours), every moment of spite, envy, arrogance, greed and self-conceit comes right up against His patient and longing love, and grieves His spirit more than it grieves ours."
     Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said this of worshiping God: "Perfect worship of God is emulation."
     When we love God, we try to be like Him. When we try to be like Him, we become happy and loving people who are dedicated to helping others feel a similar love and happiness. We become united.
     I have talked with this great friend of mine often, and I cannot tell you how much more impressed I am with her character and her love for others. She truly is one of the best people I know in that regard, and though her life is not perfect (like all of our mortal lives) I know that she is trying very hard to make it work out. She is truly trying.


     Now to return to my first story. My Father had just turned to his beautiful Wife, who had just poured her entire soul into this one question. He took a breath, and simply stated to her "Because I love God too much, and I will not violate any of His laws."
     Not exactly romantic by man's standards, and when he first told me that story years ago, I kind of balked at him for losing such an opportunity to profess his love for her, not necessarily God. Now though, I have started to really see the absolute beauty in it, and my Mother was perfectly happy with that, she understood his love for God was more than his love for her because God's love for us is far more than we can ever comprehend. When we trust Him and do as He says, He NEVER leaves us out in the dark. My Mother understood this, as did my Father, and that is what I mean by their character, they understood love in the true nature of it: God's love. They have given so much back to Heavenly Father by loving their family and giving them the best home they could. They serve others and help as many as they can. They are far from perfect, but they have given me all along this grand love that I only barely have started to comprehend. Stunning.